Life has some unusual twists and turns. We start out learning the names of things, until we are able to walk through a grocery store confident we know the name of everything. We know the names of what is around us to the point where we can drive down a road and not even think about what we see, simply because it has already been named and filed as familiar.
When a serious twist in the expected timeline of life happens those things we named may take on a whole new life, particularly if they remind you of a more nostalgic time, or a time of twisted crisis. The thing is our memories play stories in our minds the same way the string section of an orchestra threads you from bar to bar. Those string sections may learn the notes so well they can start to change the tone of the music and manipulate our experience. They, along with our memories, may eventually tell a whole new story, a different story, or further embed that which causes pain.
Add to the aforementioned something I found on the internet. The credit for this statement cannot be assigned but the wisdom can still be appreciated. Think about the string section in the orchestra playing a melody of memories on the threads that join each and every one of us to together.
So when you are triggered and memories flood or you are so upset you cannot think straight, know your mind is gifting you with only one of the many versions of your story. Honour the version in front of you, cherish its uniqueness, and allow it to thread back into the music. Know another version might be played another day but in the meantime it’s just a story and you are beautiful right here right now.
Why do I write on this website? I write to rewrite the workings of my brain. You see it is how my brain has compiled information that has led to what was eventually a life threatening circumstance called PTSD. It is almost six years after the climax of that injury and it is 20 years since the first police related incident and what I realize today is shame holds me from breaking free. Shame is what layers my thinking, shame is how my personal string section of my orchestra plays yet I have so much to be thankful for, and so much causing me to live.
So why the shame? That is yet to be defined but in the meantime I work at rebuilding my brain based on believing in myself and trusting my instincts. It has been a very long haul. If I can do it …. anyone can. So if you wish to take this post to the next level watch Brene Brown and the link I have attached.
Jt Murphy signing off for shift knowing vulnerability is the fodder for creativity, innovation, and change.