I don’t often write from the first person, nor do I generally give details about what has transpired and caused the injury I now know intimately. The reason for this choice is to live in the moment and practice setting the past free. When I do this the ending I had embedded in my memory can evolve, instead of becoming entrenched. Each post shared with you is about truly passing on judgement and allowing my perceived endings to evolve.
The other piece to the story, of finding healing, has been gratitude and generosity. You see the injury of PTSD gains purchase when I cannot find a way to be grateful and generous. Being generous, with myself, has truly been most difficult and this website has been one of my ways to practice owning a voice worth speaking. Being generous has also included honouring all the dark and dirty emotions tossed like salad dressing on the bits in my brain. Honouring them by letting them exist without judgement.
So why this photo and this particular post? A year ago I gave this woman’s daughter an old camera of mine. That camera has lit up that little girl’s life, a girl I have never met. A year later I met a new friend who gave me a camera, the camera that took this photo. Generosity does seem to have a boomerang capability.
The other boomerang is the fact that this tiny yoga class (Yoga with Chantalle) literally saved my life. I learned to simply show up and pass no judgement. My habits became noted and there became a new pose in the class, as a result. I did not know this had happened, and the pose was named by the woman in this photo. She disclosed she did not want to go to class the day of this photo but decided to go and do a “Julianna”. She also told me that another day she had picked up someone for class telling them to just do a “Julianna”.
So what is the Julianna Pose? Well it is the pose that is of no judgement. The lenses of this pose include arriving and sobbing uncontrollably in Child’s Pose, while the class practiced yoga. It has included Savasana resulting in me falling asleep, and likely snoring though the class was generous enough not to mention me sawing logs. It has also included following the class as long as I had energy and then releasing myself to rest and simply listening. I have also shown up with the worst bed head you could imagine and worn no hat! All of these choices have been intentional and designed to love myself unconditionally!
As a result today I brave speaking in the first person and sharing something beautiful called, “Pass Judgement”. How about during this holiday season we practice the “Julianna Pose” and “Pass Judgement”. Maybe we could simply rename the pose “Endings Evolve”.
Be well my friends, Jt signing off for shift asking how you will move what you have read and, with generosity, allow it to enter your life and evolve?