Over the next few weeks the posts will have a different tone. They will be inspired by snippets of conversations designed to help demystify PTSD. Why the shift? It is because I have spent the last two years trying to make something beautiful (PTSD) while knowing it is really difficult to believe PTSD comprises any beauty.
In the process of finding fog (PTSD) and documenting beauty I have started to feel a bit of peace and others are starting to ask how that happened. These next set of posts are inspired by the questions and conversations others have brought with a shared coffee or meal.Before going forward with those snippets of conversations it is worthwhile to back up and have a quick review. I have been writing publicly because I was trying to shake off something that had permeated my body to the point where I was no longer the same.I was so different I was unrecognizable and, as always, a photo is my method of communicating this idea.
The photo of Char shaking off the water is worth a thousand words. Only the tip of the nose is clear while spinning off of the water that has soaked the soft fur to dark and flat. As the spin cycle happens Char looks so different it is hard to believe Char is my furry canine companion. The interesting question I pose is “could I too have Char’s Mona Lisa smile while shaking off that which has turned me into something very different than before?“
As we proceed this writing is authentic only if I share with you my days still contain everything from lumps and bumps to tsunami hostile takeover attempts stemming from that hyper vigilant side in my brain where PTSD can still thrive. The difference is I now call that part of my brain normal. I make no excuses for thoughts that invade. What is different is I practice choosing actions that will keep me safe. After I am safe I consider reframing what I am viciously pondering. It has been a very tough journey where few knew how to talk to me.
Today’s post is actually a challenge germinated because a PTSD infused colleague told me his mother did not even ask him about the injury. The challenge is an invitation for you to forward this post to one person you find safe. When you email them ask them to read to the end knowing that the the writing in blue is from you.
I wanted to let you know that you are important and special to me. I know sometimes it is really hard to talk with me and maybe really hard to understand PTSD or even what I am living and thinking. I have a hard time with this foreign concept called PTSD so I can’t expect you to understand. With that said I have sent you this post because I want you to know you are special to me and I hope, as I work through this injury, I will be stronger and our friendship deeper.
Maybe someday we could chat about the links in this post? If I make a date to chat please don’t take it personally if I forget, change, or cancel the date as I have a lot going on in my mind and am having a hard time managing the onslaughts of thoughts without trying to manage a conversation not to mention a near run on sentence. I look forward to finding my way through this messy, horrible, experience. It is a calming thought to know friends like you are near.
Jt Murphy signing off for shift noting Char has gone swimming, again.